"

何时会到那天的来临?
无须考虑丢弃意志力.
就算对不起，这是我的选择.
我最重要的东西已经不完美!!!
如果那天的来临,
那是我的选择"放弃"...

It's 430 early in the morning...
Can't sleep. It's a Insomnia heavily~

I don't know whether I very full? Chinese tea? somethings bothering me?
but I'm pain now... gastric? stomach ache? Don't know.

Almost 2 months didn't update my blog, nothing special happen in my life?
Many things cross to my life in these period actually.
My sister move and stay with me, No alone, share rental with me, I have saved a little of money.
Shirmy, had left shang for 3 months, nearly. I miss her so so so much. I have miss the chance to meet her (Gathering). I'm very sad~
I miss that when 5 of us gather to eat, drink, chit chat, play, Karaoke... be continue later, next day, in future?
"Someone" still like what and which I posted of the last blog. Will "someone" accept the special situation? I hope I everyone can accept me... I'm ... (How to let others know and understand?) Especially daddy and mummy... and you two.
I'm going to resign, but they still want to promote me as a Hostess. I'm a Hostess! I still follow my plan to resign  before He asked me to Extend... I don't know what should I do... resign as my plan? Extend? No Answer Yet. Analyzing...

... ... ... ...

paining,should rest, hope after this wil be OK.
~ this blog use half an hour (5am)~

I have worked in Arthur's for 2 months. In first, I'm really uncomfortable in new environment, new colleagues... But, now, I will miss Arthur's. Why? It's not like in Zipangu, want to run away. Even though, work in Shang Palace for 5 months only, I have the feeling "bu she de". But, the boss in Zipangu who is Mr. Yokokura, he treat me well. Wherever he went for a trip, he brought a souvenir for me. Like:

He brings to Arthur's for me. Haha...  And the Chocolates he ask Zipangu staff called me to take. :) 

Specifically leave for ME!!!

Besides, there has something happen in my life. Suddenly, S sms me, one day, keep calling me that he want to fetch me back after work... because he also just finished work. Then, asked me to accompany him to eat fast food. But, in the above, I didn't do even 1 thing. He is one of the person that I dont want to angry, but I can't forgive. Everything is past over, I don't like he send the "rubbish" to me. I just hope that, "You do the part that you should do, treat your GF well."

I'm very regret that I met you, I accepted you.

Further, "someone" appear in my life. "someone" never smoke in front of me, when "someone" saw me I was walking toward him, "someone" would throw away the cigarette. "someone" will keep check his mouth whether got smell "smoke" in his mouth or not. "someone" found me in Pavilion almost 1 hour. "someone" lied that his car parked near my house just because scare me walked back with alone (he knew it, cause i did before), but his car parked in the Pavilion actually. "someone" bought a drink which was  Jasmine with red bean to my room (I said that I want to try his friend open that the new drinks shop and I hope to have red bean inside), "someone" worry me back at the early in the morning (cause normally I finished work at 12am, 1am 2am and so on) he asked me to let him know when I reach the room. "someone" was waiting me finish work at 430am and after shower, touch up something at around 5am, then took me back (so long hours, and he work in the morning 7am, I think). "someone" asked me out for movie, but he sleep late (the movie not yet start to show) let me wait. "someone" would try to know me like my favorite/unfavorable. "someone" said that don't away too far, he want to easy to meet with me by face to face.    .... .... ....

"someone" is a friend, thank you so much... I won't know what will happen in the next few seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months and years··· ··· May be you will continue to be my friend, May be you will be my partner. You treat me good, I will treat you well too.

Nov '11 22

I'm super happy that I got You (s). Thanks for the present(s) and celebrate with me. I love you all always. Hope won't throw my weaker heart away... Last night, I drunk, I cried. So sorry. 

112

1030

Colleagues - friends

Lovely Friends

Wish myself "Happy Birthday 22"

I'm very very full now~ And happy. I like the feeling after my stomach is full. haha...         : )
But, It's make me miss the lunch that she cooked so so much. She bought a book for me which "Setbacks, is God's gift to you". I never read it. Don't know it can help me or not. YC 'see wide a bit'... Should I go to her hometown? I scare. I never go to anyone house for stay overnight. What's the decision? Lol... Will she wait me to tell her whether I go or not go?

I'm a 'ELASTIC' person which can be any shape like circle, flat and so on. From child until now never change. I live for what? Why I want to accept those afflict? I'm so tired. Don't want to/not willing to do/accept, I have to accept/do all that not from the Heart. No matter work, love... Then, I asked myself, "Where is my Heart?" Why I can do something that without the heart? MEANS Shell.
A friend asked me 'How do think about feeling?' Feeling, I'm the person who take feeling as important as anima She posted on her FB wall " i demand love, any love and i loyalty to my love" I like it. Should admit, I'm demand love, loyalty to my love too. So what,  no one will care about my feeling!!! Come as they love, Go as they like. Break my fragile heart.
I'm speechless!

My brother want to marry luu.. I'm going to busy ~ ~
happy things are coming....

But, I, myself not happy~
want to cry it out, ''' please...

want forthright to cry.

: ( 

Direction

I decided. No direction.
Pain...

warm N miss

13.05.11 12:15am

hey.. SEE, these are Sandy (AGSM) bought to me for supper. ^^ Warm yar~haha...

that is from my heart. I m very happy. She like my 'second mother', taught me many things, before I step in to the SLKL (the interview day), she had chatted with me a lot about the hotel, until i work, i want to resign and i transfered to another outlet. Even now, I have some plans. She cares me much like how is my feeling work in another outlet, why i m not happy and more.

So FuLL... (",)

At the same time, I miss somethings~

I miss McD, Choc Ice Cream, Egg Rolled, Noodle, Tou Fu Fa, Chic wings and so on~
Appreciate~

Dragon-I

Lunch with Shirmy and Jeff...

I like gather with them. comfortable, happy, silly ~ become close and closer with them (",)

Hope to gather with them along the life ^^

**Don't Disappear in my life in sudden~ Pls..

Lousy"

I had slept on bed for an hour,

but the eyes never close.

'couldn't sleep again' :(

I have made my life with lousy.

Hope somethings can turn back,

to allow me have chances to try.

To have a happiness home,

No argument.

i have friends

but not taking granted from each other's friends.

My chest pain, what happen?

never mind...

nothing can let me nostalgia..

nobody want to care about me~

\\It might be a Fate\\

Many people (especially ladies) said " there has no good man"...

But i said "got"

I saw many through my eyes ~

But, why i have no the chance to meet good man?

If no chance is okay for me...

the point is why i met and i chose are im not 'his' only 1?

what are the problems on me?

make you away me---

Enough~

i shouldn't take it.

This LOVE might not in my life... Fate~

Be abandon by...

No one can be trusted~

im sad.

i want to give up.

Just a Heart

finished work at 1130pm.

reached room at 12.10am.

he sent choc ice cream... at 1259am (5.4.11)

before he com, he had asked me " do u wan supper?"

actually i very hungry @@"... but i said "don't want."

signal on-- stomach~ keep 'ringing'

he delivered...

**march-->

8.3.11 : 2.00am ++ : noodle + tao fu fa + chic wings

9.3.11 : 1.00am ++ : McD

13.3.11 : 8.00pm ++ : noodle

16.3.11 : 1.50am : egg roll with seaweed and shredded pork

18.3.11 : 9.39am : McD

20.3.11 : 12.00am : fried dong fun

30.3.11 : 11.30pm ++ : "watermelon"

31.3.11 : 11.38pm : "melon"

this few days can't sleep well.

so tired. tired of my life...

so many things happen.

i need shoulder to let me lean, which with fully truly by his heart...

i cant control, want to drink~..

luckily to day OT...

if not waste money to do bad hobby.

i have totally no confidence on myself.

i scare when somethings on my hand will easily fly away.

even a person.

even he pay his love by his heart.

i scare~

this is the problem,

i know it will let him go,

cause of believable & unbelievable.

so tat,

i think that is one of the problem that i cant hold a person.

is it?

I ALWAYS say i don't want any promises.

but my heart need.

no gut to accept..

hurt so bad"

if you who love me...

hope you know & understand--- i need 'promises' actually.

when you promise-- from your heart PLEASE!

when i in thinking of grey~

few 'model' that had show me that:

"still got in the world.

they treat their family very well,

they treat their partner full of care,

they love 'her' so much,

Just A HEART... ^^

today, cant sleep too : (

how am i?

i recover~~~ good news yar... =)

But, 2pm ++ i sudden cry after dreamin~

im not happy v the dream...

y nobody care abt me, even my family~

i nid ur care... i less of concern ... =(

who care me?

insomnia

=( cant slp...

might hungry so tat Insomnia~ =."

finally, he had taken evrthin out of my room. i had deleted his phone number, messages, record of calls. in front of my eyes had no his things... tat s a gud start for me. i jz nid som time, a little bit of time to delete my memories--- remind** no matter happy or sad memories hav to delete, delete all happen tat include him. "Yc can do it, bliv myself".... i dont wan cry b4 i slp at nite evrtime, pls disappear asap... i dont wan cz of u, get out of the way jz bcz dont wanna take a chance to c u even a second, dont wan go cafe for meal b4 1730 bcz dont wan c u in cafe at the sam time. i can bck shang palace as i like, dont wan choose the day tat u r x in. tmr wil b las day tat i bck shang palace without u (off day). the followin day, evrthin on the top wont b happen... x bcz of u~ i wil add oil to Delete, Delete, Delete all memories abt u~

--- was i dream? las nite, did W cal me? like dream, but feel truthful... i think tat s a dream ba, cz i remember tat he said wil cal me today? but i din receive any cal from him.

--- tis few days has ignore many things n ppl... sry~ Giv me som time>>> i wil b fine soon~ wait me, YC bck...

sleepy, wanna slp le... nite...

talent//

along- actually im x happy... i noe force to b happy is more suffering... away~

god- whr is my dignity, whr is my feel of security, whr is my confidence, whr s d bliv, y im nobody, is it hv word "welcom to play" on my forehead, y who i met r not serious to treat n treasure wat they hv... y they can take lov as nth..

she said im easy to affect by, she said i hv x talent to play... think in tis few days, i agree tat im. i feel im x sav, wil get hurt in evrwhr, anytime. hw to express my sadness? =(

i wanna b alon, no matter hw long, i nid to awake tat i hv done... i hv lost many things... hv To find bck my dignity, feel of security, confidence, bliv N MYSELF~

trip~~

9 mar- 11 mar 11

^^

d trip is ok~

a time tat let me x think much,

but at d nite, cant control~

drink---

12 mar 11

^^

J0hor

steamboat- it vr ful -.*

drink again~

cz i heard abt him~

13 mar 11

pavillion-shang-the weld-clinic

14 mar 11

serdang- rest~~

15 mar 11

the gardens- mid valley- pavillion

"i hv bought a lot, spend over than my salary~~ OMG

but i hapi, i bought a watch >.<>

clothes,pants

N brunch-T v my lovely mummy~~ (",)"

K go to Taiwan~

had diner v him, but x nice ...

movi n he wanna KFC @@"

16 mar 11

nth to do...

i had eaten a box of egg roll v seaweed n shredded pork...

which s W send for me in 1.50am

W din reply my msg... somthin i x understand...

but W x wanna tel me...

did i hurt him again~

but i din say anythin~

("<)

wat s goin on?

should i cal him?

should i giv him a chance?

but i jz...

actually i stil mind myself~

family pro, lov pro, career start from 0..

damn--

"hurt so bad"

pain without tears...

YC

-b strong

-evrthin wil b ok

-find bck d confidence

-forget d pas, chase 4 future

-try ur best

-u r x alon, u hv ur family n fren(s)

bye bye~~

伪装

伪装，一丝不漏~ 还是他人假装不知.

有那么厉害吗? 骗得了别人，自己也骗了吗?

“我的X比你好几百倍” 这句话一直在耳边打转……

原来那么的不好~

“你要怎么想就怎么想”

是否不在乎了，才会说这句话?

如果有误会，就这样让误会下去?

没有要留下我的意思--

就让她这样的离开?

“陪伴” 这字眼很难听~

难道被伤过了，这样保护自己也是种错?

如果真的爱一个人，会那么容易就发脾气走掉吗?

丢下她一个人吗?

怎么忽冷忽热? 难以猜测~

有什么东西为什么不直接说?

她在你心里那么的深吗?

这样伪装，何苦呢?

满口不对心~

你这样做那样做，是为了什么?

掩饰?

心~

一颗真心~

那么难找吗?

我不敢碰~……

别靠近，我受不了的~

好痛啊!!!

tis cny a bit diff is i wrk. n now im alone stay in a room,

im OFF today~~

cny eve- bz bz bz... v wrk til late 1.00 am

1st day of cny- wake up early in d mornin, but slp late, rush to wrk~~ear glasses to wrk @@"

2nd day of cny- today, OFF. bck to my hom, a while bck at 245pm. cz my parents want to bck to kampung~;S i cant bck... =.=

tired, tired, tired...

LIFE for wat?

A: i x noe.

whr to go?

A: i x noe.cz lots r closed.

wanna out. but tired n lz.

but las nite dine v K in Japanese Restaurant. i hapi ^^

my favourite~~nhe " accomodate me a lot" thank you very much~~

in d pas, they sayang me... tat s lov...

i should awake in earliest, but i jz awake at las nite`

it s too late... hurts r deeply enuf**

even along 3/4 yrs, stil cant wel noe each other~

shouldn't ask others to giv info/comments of som1.

observation by self better than...

i lost a lot~ cant find bck~

tat s my aftermath.

NOW...

BUT, I HAV TO B~~

cant stand le` :'(